“Maybe that’s what a person’s personality is: the difference between the inside and outside”

- Jonathan Safran Foer

Trauma is the physiological and psychological response to deeply disturbing or distressing events that overwhelm our ability to cope, leading to profound feelings of helplessness and hopelessness protecting ourselves (or others we care about like parents or siblings) when faced with real (or perceived) threats.

When left untreated, patterns of disturbance which are experienced for more than 1 month after a traumatic event has occurred, and cause significant disruption in social and occupational areas of one’s life often become what is known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

These disturbances often express themselves as recurring and intense emotional distress (i.e. anxiety, depression, or anger), persistent negative beliefs about ourselves or others, dissociative reactions, and intrusive memories. In response, many people engage in self-destructive coping behaviors to avoid the external reminders of and suppress internal anguish associated with traumatic memories. It is not uncommon for clients to express feeling “broken,” “split,” “conflicted,” or “disconnected” since experiencing their first traumatic event (and even more pronounced if the trauma was repeated, like in cases of chronic abuse and neglect).

The “Parts of Me That” … Our Internal Family System and Emotional Parts

Internal Family Systems (IFS) developed by Richard Schwartz, observed patterns of how people described their inner lives, with repeated descriptions of what they often referred to as “parts.”

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to psychotherapy that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each person’s mental system. These sub-personalities consist of wounded parts and painful emotions such as anger and shame, and parts that try to control and protect the person from the pain of the wounded parts. The sub-personalities are often in conflict with each other and with one’s core Self. [1]

These sub-personalities or Emotional Parts (EPs) seem to have a “mind” of their own, each having their own unique personalities, feelings, thoughts, and behavioral patterns. Each EP has a specific function and role that creates a complex psychological defense network to protect us from the “pain” associated with traumatic experiences, abuse, and neglect.

Our “Adult Self,” the part who is just trying to work, take care of the household, and handle everyday challenges and responsibilities is in perpetual conflict with the EPs who are constantly reliving and defending against traumatic memories. This internal conflict and division between the two factions of “self” is known as structural dissociation.

Meet the Internal Family

Internal Family Systems identifies Emotional Parts based on three functional roles: Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters.

Managers

Managers are protective parts whose aim is to manage day-to-day functioning of the system. Like a manager at a company, they operate by controlling everything both within and outside of the system to mitigate threat, and ensure the safety and efficiency of the system.

Managerial functions often include governing and controlling all emotions, thoughts, behaviors, environmental conditions, relationships, and other EPs to prevent blending (the releasing of) Exiles. Managers will often (but reluctantly) collaborate with Firefighters to block the emotional intensity of exiled parts from being seen or heard by the Adult, thus insuring the continued functioning of the system.

Managers exist to oversee protection of the internal family system. They may take care of others to avoid conflict or abandonment. They may obsess over achievement and performance to avoid the shame of not being “good enough.” They love having control over our environment, people, and future events because control equals safety.

Some common names to describe Managers can be: The Perfectionist, the Survivalist, the Achiever, the Worry Wort, or the Inner Critic.

Firefighters

Firefighter parts – like actual firefighters – sole job is to… well… put out the fire. When Managers are unable to control overwhelming emotional distress or traumatic flashbacks, Firefighters are activated to snuff out and suppress overwhelming thoughts and feelings by any means necessary…

Firefighters are the emergency responders, our defense network’s last-ditch effort to block Exile blending and prevent re-traumatization. They are intense. They are impulsive. And are often extreme, dangerous, and self-destructive; such as with parts involved in addiction or suicide.

Some common names to describe Firefighters can be: The Addict, the Suicidal or Self-Harming One, Rage, Sabotage, or Comfortably Numb.

When traumatic distress is experienced, Managers and Firefighters exert significant influence and authority over our internal system to manage the threat and prevent real or perceived harm. While their strategies and tactics helped us survive past traumatic events, abuse, and adverse childhood experiences, they often hinder our growth and well being as adults.

Exiles

Exiles are the helpless and vulnerable child parts who were exposed to the trauma, abuse, and neglect. They are the parts that have been forgotten and abandoned long ago. Exiles and are responsible for holding ALL the trauma for the entire family system.

Exiles serve a critical and burdensome role in the internal family system.

Exiles hold all of the intense emotions (e.g. terror, worthlessness, helplessness, or shame), overwhelming somatic sensations (e.g. freezing, constriction, “feeling small”, and rigidity), and negative self-beliefs (e.g. I’m not good enough, I don’t matter, the world is unsafe, and people can’t be trusted) associated with traumatic events and adverse childhood experiences.

Exiles may also hold family secrets, be codependent and enmeshed with others, carry the burdens of transgenerational trauma, struggle with problematic or absent leadership from mom and dad, and have constrained development.

What exiled parts want most is to be acknowledged, loved, cared for, and helped. This of course is not what Managers and Firefighters want to keep Exiles suppressed and hidden away from our conscious awareness.

Some common names to describe Exiles can be: The Orphan, Unlovable Child, Not Good Enough, Invisible Child, or Abused Child.

Integrating Parts, Healing Trauma, and Becoming the (Adult) Parent We Need 

Therapeutic “parts work” such as Fraser’s Dissociative Table Technique [2] or Internal Family Systems therapy is a great for working with structural dissociation and creating healthier functioning between all parts. Clients learn how to contain intense emotions and blending of Exiles, cultivate adaptive coping skills, and reduce self-destructive behaviors. And by re-parenting our emotional parts in the ways they need most, we can heal our attachment wounds and show up for ourselves in ways we need most.

Clients can accelerate their healing process by combining parts work with EMDR therapy [3] to desensitize and reprocessing the traumatic memories held by exiled parts, and integrate the past with the present.

As client’s complete this part of their recovery journey, many report feeling stronger internal cohesion and connection to their authentic self. They can finally allow themselves to experience deeper intimacy and trust in their personal relationships. Clients learn to trust their inner guidance and resources to move through adversity and make decisions that are more aligned with their personal values and beliefs now.

Remember: We can never control the flow of life. We just learn how to navigate the river wherever it may go.

Be well.

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Weston Zink LPC LAC is the owner of WholeHearted Therapy LLC and Clinical Director at Breakthrough Recovery of Colorado. He has over 10 years of clinical experience working with trauma and addiction. Weston is an EMDR Certified Therapist and member of EMDRIA who’s working to heal traumatized people and communities at home and abroad.

If you’re “tired of being sick and tired” and ready to take a life-changing next step in your trauma or addiction recovery journey, please contact Breakthrough Recovery of Colorado at: https://breakthroughrecoveryco.com/schedule-contact for a free consultation or to schedule an appointment.

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Sources

[1] 22 May 2022. Psychology Today. Internal Family Systems Therapy. Retrieved from:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapy

[2] New Hope Counseling Center. Fraser’s Dissociative Table Technique. Retrieved from:

https://newhopecounselling.com/psychology/frasers-dissociative-table-technique/

[3] EMDR International Institute. About EMDR Therapy. Retrieved from:

https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/